If Not Me, Who? If not now, When?

If Not Me, Who? If Not Now, When?

This reflection is part of my Food for Thought series on Skool. These writings are meant to spark questions rather than give answers, inviting you to pause and consider how your inner life and outer actions align. It is an offering to stir reflection and encourage dialogue, both with yourself and with others who are also walking this path.
There are certain questions that demand our attention. They arrive and arrive again, pressing us to respond. For me, one of those questions has always been: If not me, who? If not now, when?

I return to it because I know that waiting for the perfect moment or for someone else to step forward only delays what is most needed. These words do not live only in history or in the voices of others. They live in me, shaping the way I work, create, and serve. They remind me that even when I feel uncertain, my presence and my voice matter.

John’s Question, My Question
I first heard the weight of this question in the life of my dear friend John Gates. John was an AIDS activist in the late 1980s and early 1990s, a man who not only asked the question but lived it with fierce integrity. He moved from Vancouver to Ottawa in 1989 to awaken Canadian development agencies to the urgency of the AIDS crisis in sub-Saharan Africa. Working with ICAD, Oxfam, and the Red Cross, he made an uncompromising demand: no treatment in the north unless treatment was equally available in the south.
For John, the question was never abstract. It was a call to action that cost him time, energy, and comfort, yet it was also what gave his life meaning. Watching him live this way forced me to ask: Who am I in the matter? Is there integrity between my inner self and my outer actions?

John clearly knew who he was in the matter because his inner life was fully present in his outer life. That integrity is what made his actions so powerful and enduring.
Where I StandThose questions did not leave me. They sit at the center of my choices, whether in the work I do with clients, in the ceremonies I design, or in the writing I share here. Every time I am tempted to wait until I feel more ready, those words rise again. They remind me that my own voice, imperfect as it may be, still carries weight.

I have seen the difference in my own life. When I ignored my inner world, my outer work felt thin, even strained. When I turned inward and did the healing, when I faced the shadows and allowed myself to grow into alignment, my outer work gained strength. People noticed. I noticed. There was a new clarity, a new confidence, a new sense of ease in how I spoke and acted.

Inner and Outer Integrity
This is why I believe inner and outer integrity cannot be separated. Our healing is not selfish work. It is the foundation of every meaningful act we take in the world. Inner and outer development are threads of the same fabric, each strengthening the other. One person’s healing can inspire another. One person’s willingness to act can open the way for many. That is how movements begin, and that is how lasting change takes root. 
When we open ourselves to growth, we come into deeper alignment with the purpose we have on earth. The key is to ask ourselves questions like these, alongside Who am I in the matter? They guide us toward integrity, clarity, and a sense of belonging to something greater than ourselves.

A Call to Action
These words, If not you, who? If not now, when? still live in me. They carried me through moments when I wanted to step back, and they return whenever I wonder whether I am enough. They remind me, and perhaps they can remind you, that our presence matters.
Ask yourself these questions not only about how you act in the world but also about how you care for your own development. Let them open the door between who you long to be and how you are willing to show up. 
Your healing is not separate from the world’s healing. Your growth is not separate from the world’s growth. The choices you make ripple outward, carrying the possibility of a different future. And then, in ways both small and large, choose to step through. The time for waiting has passed. The time to live in alignment, in integrity, and in connection with the greater whole is always now.

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